Driven and Determined

"Go about doing good until there's too much good in the world." -A thought that came to Larry H. Miller excerpt from his auto-biography Driven.

I read this quote today and I have not been able to get it out of my head. I love it. It makes you feel as if you can achieve this goal but at the same time on a deeper level you realize that you will never be able to accomplish this goal. Can there be too much good in the world we live in? I would think not. As I sit by myself I have a lot of time to reflect on my life and where I have been and what is up ahead of me. Even though I am only 20 I feel that so far, I have lived a pretty amazing life. I have encountered my fair share of trials. Though sometimes I feel that maybe I get more than what is fair, never the less I know that I can get through them. The scriptures show that God will never give us a trial that we cannot handle, and I have grown to testify the validity of that scripture. I also, can tell you about the overcoming of all of my trials. I have emerged a stronger and better person than I was even a month ago. I look back in the past year and can just see everything that has happened and how it has shaped and molded me into the person I am now. I lost my best friend and the girl I loved due to poor choices. I lost friends, I was emotionally curb stomped, and I lost my brother. It has been 6 months since he has taken his life and I miss him everyday. Through all of this adversity there is a silver lining though: I am so thankful for the people that I have met and grown to love for who they really are. I have a deeper appreciation for life and living it. I am thankful for the small things as well as the big things. I appreciate people more than I ever have. I also appreciate myself and finally get that God loves me regardless to how stupid I think I am. As I ponder about where I want my life to go I can't help but feel at piece that I have finally achieved a giant stepping stone in my life and the lives of my entire family past, present, and future! I have turned in my papers completely submitted them to be a missionary for my God. It's funny to think how a choice like this can affect your entire life. I almost feel as if I am saying goodbye to the me I am now and starting to embrace the man that I will become. I guess that is why I have been thinking about life a lot. In a way I feel like I am dying. I'm killing off the natural man in me little by little. It isn't a bad thing either. I really like analyzing my life, I feel that it gives me a sense of purpose an direction. I am more focused, determined, and most importantly Driven. There are a lot of things in life that I expect to get out of them. The only way that I can do that is finally going out and doing it. I can no longer sit by and hope things happen the way that I want them to. No, I need to go out there and decide my fate. No longer am I going to do things for the approval of others, I am doing them for myself. After all it is my life and I want to be happy with the way I lived it when the time comes for me to meet my creator.

I think life in general is a really funny thing. Just when you think you have it figured out, it floors you just to show you who is boss. Its humbling. I look around at other people that I know, and can't help but "feel" for them. I feel sorry for them most of the time. Not that I think that I am better than them. I feel sorry that they can't see what I see in them. Now I am not saying that I have perfected the art of self confidence don't get me wrong, I have my moments where I feel that I have little to no worth in this world and that I am just taking up space. I think it is easier to see greatness in others. It is easier to help someone else out than it is to help yourself out. I am just barely grasping the self help part in this life and hopefully I will have it down. I honestly wonder what life would be like if everyone could see what God sees in us. I am just grateful that he knows what he is doing.